Original here.

The spate of resignations at Yahoo in May-June 2008 prompted Wired contributing editor Mat Honan to create a Do-It-Yourself Yahoo! Resignation Letter. Yahoo! employees can simply just fill in the blanks and hit submit to send out their personalized resignation letter to Jerry Yang.

Dear Mr. Baker,

As an employee of an institution of higher education, I have few very basic expectations. Chief among these is that my direct superiors have an intellect that ranges above the common ground squirrel. After your consistent and annoying harassment of my co-workers and me during our commission of duties, I can only surmise that you are one of the few true genetic wastes of our time.

Asking me, a network administrator, to explain every nuance of everything I do each time you happen to stroll into my office is not only a waste of time, but also a waste of precious oxygen. I was hired because I know how to network computer systems, and you were apparently hired to provide amusement to your employees, who watch you vainly attempt to understand the concept of “cut and paste” as it is explained to you for the hundredth time.

You will never understand computers. Something as incredibly simple as binary still gives you too many options. You will also never understand why people hate you, but I am going to try and explain it to you, even though I am sure this will be just as effective as telling you what an IP is. Your shiny new iMac has more personality than you ever will.

You wander around the building all day, shiftlessly seeking fault in others. You have a sharp dressed, useless look about you that may have worked for your interview, but now that you actually have responsibility, you pawn it off on overworked staff, hoping their talent will cover for your glaring ineptitude. In a world of managerial evolution, you are the blue-green algae that everyone else eats and laughs at. Managers like you are a sad proof of the Dilbert principle.

Seeing as this situation is unlikely to change without you getting a full frontal lobotomy reversal, I am forced to tender my resignation; however, I have a few parting thoughts:

1. When someone calls you in reference to employment, it is illegal for you to give me a bad recommendation as I have consistently performed my duties and even more. The most you can say to hurt me is, “I prefer not to comment.” To keep you honest, I will have friends randomly call you over the next couple of years, because I know you would be unable to do it on your own.

2. I have all the passwords to every account on the system and I know every password you have used for the last five years. If you decide to get cute, I will publish your “Favorites,” which I conveniently saved when you made me “back up” your useless files. I do believe that terms like “Lolita” are not viewed favorably by the university administrations.

3. When you borrowed the digital camera to “take pictures of your mother’s b-day,” you neglected to mention that you were going to take nude pictures of yourself in the mirror. Then, like the techno-moron you are, you forgot to erase them. Suffice it to say, I have never seen such odd acts with a ketchup bottle. I assure you that those photos are being kept in safe places pending your authoring of a glowing letter of recommendation. (And, for once, would you please try to use spellcheck? I hate correcting your mistakes.)

I expect the letter of recommendation on my desk by 8:00 am tomorrow. One word of this to anybody and all of your twisted little repugnant obsessions will become public knowledge. Never f*ck with your systems administrator, Mr. Baker! They know what you do with all that free time!

Sincerely,
David Blocker
Network Administrator

Re: Resignation Letter

Dear Ralph N. Barbara,

I am sure you are wondering why I’m addressing this resignation letter to you, being you are not management nor my supervisor. Truth be told, I am extremely confident this letter will get expedited to management through your part. You have done such an astounding job on reporting everything else to them in the past, this too will be automatic.

I would like to think you are also in shock and disturbed that I’m leaving this company. No more will there be a push over like me to complete your work assignments when you’re on 3 hour lunches, brown nosing, surfing the internet and maliciously stirring up chaos among everyone in the office. Also, when you come in late to work with your self inflicted personal problems, I will no longer be here for you to verbally abuse. You will have to find someone else to publicly humiliate, spread vicious rumors on, elbow in the hallway, make up names for, lie on, and steal credit from on a daily basis.

I feel extremely guilty leaving you holding the bag, especially after I’ve written numerous unreciprocated letters to management about your heinous office deeds. So now, I would like to thank you for encouraging me on making this desperate life altering decision. I’m now leaving my 65k annual job with this company to becoming a parking lot attendant where you can’t find me. Thanks to you I have gained a tremendous array of newly found skills that I can now claim under my professional belt. For example, my new expertise consist of cooping with my recently diagnosed depression disorder, stomach ulcers, nightmares, blood curling migraines and my diminished relationship with family and friends.

But remember Ralph N. Barbara, things might not be so bad now that I’m gone. The next individual you appoint to take my place might be quite proficient with eliminating you of your life’s misery for all eternity. I really wish this for you, Ralph N. Barbara.

Sincerely,

Your office victim

Re: Resignation Letter

Dear Ms. Crooke,

Let me first start by saying, I have always admired how your professional demeanor in the office ironically correlates with your surname. Being said, I would have given you a two weeks resignation notice. However, over the years I have watched you immediately terminate employees after they give you their two weeks resignation letter. Therefore, it gives me great pleasure to present my resignation letter to you effective immediately.

You have always said I should be more proactive and take more initiative, so I’m sure you won’t mind me taking this initiative and beating you to the punch. How I see it, I’m saving you the trouble of thinking up of some devious accusation to terminate my employment and tarnishing my good name in this unethical corporate world. Now, I don’t expect you to care about my well being because you don’t even care about your own children or your spouse. That’s why you rather spend most of your time in your office after hours pretending to do the company’s work.

By the way, I know after you read the first paragraph, your little conniving calculating brain had already thought up of a devious plan to spite me with. Keep in mind, I don’t need you at this point for a letter of recommendation. Your secretary, who is seeing your husband behind your back has already taken care of that for me. You should have paid more attention to all the documents your secretary made you sign in the past week. Your husband filed for divorce weeks ago unknown to you and your secretary made you sign your divorce papers. She also made you sign over all your rights to your house, children, money and other assets. Well, I bid you farewell and I hope you found this letter as amusing as everyone else in the office will.

Sincerely,
…On to a better tomorrow

CC: The entire office staff

(Courtesy: OfficeMisery.com)

Original link.

Original link.

The name is good, the brand is big
But the work I do is that of a pig
The work or the brand; what is my way?
I don’t know if I should stay.

To work, they have set their own way
Nobody will care to hear what I say
My will be NULL, they wont change their way
I don’t know if I should stay.

The project is in a critical stage
But to do good work, this is the age
This dilemma is killing me day by day
I don’t know if I should stay.

The money is good, the place is great
But the development is at a very small rate
Should I go for the work, or wait for pay
I don’t know if I should stay!

The managers don’t know what they talk
The team doesn’t know where they walk
That’s a bad situation, what say?
I don’t know if I should stay.

I can go to any other place
But what if I get the same disgrace
I can’t keep switching day by day
I don’t know if I should stay.

The -ves are more, the +ves are less
Then why have this unnecessary mess
No more will I walk their way,
It’s all done, I won’t stay.

Thanks & Regards
Employee

The Manager’s Response

The decision is good or decision is bad
Only God knows still I am glad
Keep moving in life that is what I can say

If you feel right go in the same way
May god give you the work, the challenge you want
Anyway there is always a second chance
Chances are there, grab them snatch them
That is what I can say

Keep on jumping companies to get more and more and more…
That will keep you always a fore (Even to me)
From my experience I can tell you
Being in software development is like taking hell out of you
You are frustrated since you have no quality work
And you were frustrated because you had quantity work

It’s always like that previous job was better than the current one
And expects the new job will be much better than this one
But what you get is a frustration level up to sun
Than you will again send the resignation like this one
This is all what I want to say

Have you completed all the formalities?
Filled the form and got it signed from department humanities (HR)
Once done you can take all your cash
But don’t refer others as they will follow you’re a*s.
At last I appreciate your contribution to the company
Even though there was not any…

You will keep a copy of this with you for FYI
Don’t feel shy
As I also got it some time back from my old manger say Hi…
That is all what I want to say.

Thanks & Regards
Manager